Well Played, Mr. Obama
This is a fable, a satire, not to be confused with real life.
Barack: “Is this a secure line?”
Unknown: “Yes, Mr. President.”
Barack: “Ok, Good Morning, Kamala, it’s Barack.”
Kamala: “Oh, my favorite President. I owe you a big kiss and a big thank you.”
Barack: “Let’s stick with just the thank you. We’ve got a lot at stake, as you know.”
Kamala: “Oh, Barack. How am I ever going to beat Trump. I can’t sleep for thinking about it.”
Barack: “Relax, Kamala. I got it all figured out. That was pretty slick the way I got the Clintons to endorse you.”
Kamala: “How did you do that? I thought the Clintons were pals with Joe. They just gave him public support the day before.”
Barack: “They were his friends and allies, but this is politics, baby. I told Joe – as a true friend of his – that his time was up. The Republicans, I said, were getting a bill together to activate the 25th Amendment which would have turned Presidential powers over to you, Kamala, immediately. He never disagreed with me through eight years, and he didn’t disagree this time. I also asked him to call Hillary and get their endorsement for you. He agreed, although he left it out of his press statement and had to put out another one with the endorsement. Now we still have to get him to resign before the convention so you can already be President when it convenes. I’ll let him cool down for a few days. He got mad when his brain started thinking about what he had done.”
Kamala: “Well, I’ll leave that up to you. I’ve got to get to the mall before the convention. But, tell me how I can beat Trump? Even if Joe leaves now, I’d only have a few months as President.”
Barack: “First of all, I’ll be your running mate. The Constitution won’t allow me to be elected President, but it doesn’t say I can’t be elected Vice President. And, then, we’ll throw the election into Congress.”
Kamala: “But won’t Trump be able to win a majority? He’s way ahead in the polls?”
Barack: “That’s true. Trump’s already picking his cabinet. I almost feel sorry for him. Here’s how we’ll do it. We have to keep Trump under 270 electoral votes. To do that, we’ll have our secret operatives launch big, expensive campaigns for Bobby in the Red states and swing states. Even if Bobby only gets 100 electoral votes, that will be enough to throw the election into the House of Representatives. That’s where all those anti-Trump Republicans will be finessed into voting for you.”
Kamala: “I love how you manipulate people. Only someone with a mind like yours would think of a plan like this.”
Barack: “One more thing. Let me tell you a story. When Hillary and I were having that cat fight back in 2008, she gave up her campaign and I became President. Do you remember that?”
Kamala: “Of course. I worked in your campaign.”
Barack: “What you don’t know is the important part. When you negotiate with someone, you have to make them feel good about losing. In this case, I got to be President, but the Clintons got something, too. I had to agree that their main man, Joe, became VP, and Hillary became Secretary of State. Now in our situation, you’ve got to give something, too. Not only will I be Vice President, but I’ll be calling the shots for our Administration. You know you don’t like to think about grand strategy and all the minutia, anyway. It’ll all be done in private, and you’ll still be the President to the seven billion people on the planet. But never forget I’m calling the shots.”
Kamala: “Ok, it’s a deal. But how do you know I won’t double-cross you?”
Barack: “Secret Service.”
